Mommy needs a cocktail

So, abstaining from drinking while preggers hasn't been as difficult as I thought it would be. And, kind of like enduring anything that you absolutely hate, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, and for me, BIRTH was that light. Nine months? No sweat. I'm on it.

But then, there is the whole breast feeding thing, which I know I really want to do -- for all the reasons I should (good for baby, bonding experience, blah, blah, blah) but also (excuse me for being selfish) because how else can you burn a crap-load of calories while sitting still (not counting diet pills or lipo). Thousands of calories a day? Sign me up!

So I figured we'd add a few more months to my sentence and then I'd be scott-free to imbibe (responsibly of course -- sheesh guys, I'm not a lush here -- talking about a glass of wine with dinner). But, while reading my newest book (Baby 411) I learned that some group of doctors or something recommend breast feeding for a WHOLE DAMN YEAR.

Hell.

I've had people tell me I can "pump and dump" but that just seems a little wasteful. And how do you know that all that yummy wine is out of it, that you've dumped enough? Well, ladies and gentleman (or, okay... ladies and Ben) I give you the Breast Milk Alcohol Test, an invention you KNOW came from some really smart scientist LADY. Who was NO WAY skipping happy hour again. Basically, because we all metabolize alcohol differently, this test strip will tell you how much (if any) alcohol is left in your breast milk, so you never have to worry about harming baby.

Genius!