Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Santa, a donkey and three wise men walk into a bar...

I wasn't sure if Kate would get it this year. You know, the whole Christmas thing. Not quite two, I wasn't sure if this was the year that it would mean something to her. I made sure to buy her some books about the holidays, a few about Santa and then a few about the manager, all sprinkled in together. Which I'm sure confused the hell out of her, and I'm fairly certain that she thinks Santa was born in a manager and the wise men gave him the ability to fly so he could deliver toys to all the good little boys and girls. Oh, and eternal salvation, Santa gives that too.

So, yes, it is kind of convoluted. I never realized how hard it is to reconcile the religious holiday of Christmas with the secular celebration until I tried to explain it to a toddler.

I know at least the Santa message has sunk in. One, because all Dora and Diego can talk about is this Santa character, and two, because without any prompting from me, whenever she sees Santa (dolls, hats, people, etc.) she says "Santa! Ho, Ho, Ho." Which is cute. But then, starting this week, a new word got thrown in the mix. "Santa! Ho, Ho, Ho…. TOYS." Yep, sounds like my little girl has got Christmas ALL FIGURED OUT.

Last time she mentioned Santa, I talked to her about Jesus, to try and maybe straighten out her understanding a little. I told her that Santa came to help us celebrate the birth of Jesus. She solemnly agreed with me. “Yes,” she said. “Jesus…” I mentally high-fived myself for helping her connect the two Christmas characters in a way that she would understand. Watch out mother of the year, here I come. “Jesus…” she repeated. “TOYS.” (Head slap).

Soooooo, where is the parenting manual on Christmas? I obviously need a little help here.

You mean I'm not getting toys from both you AND Jesus??? I don't understand this holiday, Santa...

Friday, December 17, 2010

Happy Christmas, From India

I've been a bad blogger. Seriously, three weeks with no new post? Where are those great holiday anecdotes? Those photos of me burning cookies or mucking up some home project with Kate? WHAT HAPPENED TO CHRISTMAS AT THE EDELBROCK HOUSE?

Well, India happened. Specifically, my husband WENT to India for THREE WHOLE DAMN WEEKS. And I could have posted while he was gone, but every story I started almost immediately veered downhill fast into a rant, and who wants to read me bitch for a good 2,000 words every day?

Also, I was a little afraid of announcing that I was going to be home alone for three weeks, just in case it made me a target for all those tech-saavy criminals that read common housewife blogs. Despite the fact that I am very clearly ready for any and all home invasions (I have an alarm system connected to every door and window in our house, two big (60 lbs. +) dogs that are EXTREMELY misbehaved and a taser that my father-in-law bought me that I'm almost 100 percent sure is not totally legal. I also am armed with the knowledge that a good shot to the nuts can bring a man down to his knees, so imagine my self-defense strategy of taser to nuts and DO NOT MESS WITH ME. Oh, and if you are a lady bad-guy, I just plan on hitting you over the head with my extremely heavy lamp and then tasing you until you wet your pants. Soooo, think on that for just a wee minute) I decided not to share with the world that Ben was out of the country.

But Ben is currently on a plane heading home to us, and tomorrow ends my nearly month-long epic of being a solo parent. I could probably recap how the three weeks alone with Kate went by an itemized list of her injuries. From day one when she knocked her head on a coffee table (hello goose egg), to day five when she fell face-first into my dresser drawers (hello SECOND goose egg) to days 10 and 12 when she left claw marks on her own face in an effort to keep me from picking her nose, we obviously were hanging on to our shit by a THREAD. By the end of the trip, instead of the nice hour-long nighttime ritual we normally do (bath, books, milk, rocking and talking, tuck-in) I was giving Kate a high-five and an air-kiss and that was all I could muster before turning off her light. I only stayed up past 9:30 three nights and I regretted it each time. If my WONDERFUL neighbors hadn't had us over for dinner half of the nights Ben was gone, we would have eaten frozen dinners or pizza at least 15 of the 18 nights. I did laundry because I was out of underwear, but I never got around to folding it so I have been sleeping under a pile of clean clothes on my bed. Currently, my idea of a perfect day is watching movies the entire day without ANY RESPONSIBILITY. And sleeping. Lots.

However, while I may not have done it gracefully, I am proud of how Kate and I made it through three weeks without an integral member of our team. Sure, we had our ups, our downs and plenty of bruises, but it was an experience that I'll always remember.... and hope to never have to repeat!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

This mommy's gift list: Edition 3

I ran across this book the other day, and am determined to own it. However, since I only pay money for trashy novels at the local grocery store, I might have to depend on a charitable gift giver to actually go to a REAL BOOKSTORE and BUY IT FOR ME (again, Ben, honey, are you picking up my oh-so-subtle hints here?)

The book is "Soul Pancake," written by Rainn Wilson (The Office) and a collection of his friends who wanted to create something that was a mixture of art, religion, philosophy, creativity, and anything else you care to throw in. It is a little eye candy, a little conversation piece, a little thought starter and a little different, and that is why I'm so intrigued. Reviews on Amazon talk about how engaging the book is, and it seems like something Ben and I could read to generate thoughtful, meaningful conversations. Which lets be honest, can be few and far between in the race of life with a toddler.

You can purchase "Soul Pancake" on Amazon for just $13.18, and it would make a great stocking stuffer or Secret Santa gift. At least I think so. Don't blame me if you hate it or it is just plain weird.

Nice to (virtually) meet you

Today's quick post is a little, "Nice to meet you" to anyone who is coming over from Lamidge.com. I'm featured this month on the blog's December Push and am hoping to make some nice (or not nice, whatever) new friends along the way. For my old bloggy friends (yes YOU the one who has been reading since I got all knocked up and stuff), take a second to pop over and check out Lamidge.com -- the author, Brittney, posts great recipes, how-tos, pictures of puppies (seriously, who doesn't love puppies?) and I'm pretty sure she doesn't have as bad of a potty mouth as I do. So it might be a refreshing change.

In the spirit of getting to know one another better, I'm posting links to a few of my high (or low) lights from the edelspot. Such gems like,

You can't get off the crazy train
My baby the drunk ox
Good parenting 101
When Kate met formula
Kate's most important milestone
The spoken word
Ten things you don't care to know about me

Enjoy, and nice to (virtually) meet you all!