Friday, December 17, 2010

Happy Christmas, From India

I've been a bad blogger. Seriously, three weeks with no new post? Where are those great holiday anecdotes? Those photos of me burning cookies or mucking up some home project with Kate? WHAT HAPPENED TO CHRISTMAS AT THE EDELBROCK HOUSE?

Well, India happened. Specifically, my husband WENT to India for THREE WHOLE DAMN WEEKS. And I could have posted while he was gone, but every story I started almost immediately veered downhill fast into a rant, and who wants to read me bitch for a good 2,000 words every day?

Also, I was a little afraid of announcing that I was going to be home alone for three weeks, just in case it made me a target for all those tech-saavy criminals that read common housewife blogs. Despite the fact that I am very clearly ready for any and all home invasions (I have an alarm system connected to every door and window in our house, two big (60 lbs. +) dogs that are EXTREMELY misbehaved and a taser that my father-in-law bought me that I'm almost 100 percent sure is not totally legal. I also am armed with the knowledge that a good shot to the nuts can bring a man down to his knees, so imagine my self-defense strategy of taser to nuts and DO NOT MESS WITH ME. Oh, and if you are a lady bad-guy, I just plan on hitting you over the head with my extremely heavy lamp and then tasing you until you wet your pants. Soooo, think on that for just a wee minute) I decided not to share with the world that Ben was out of the country.

But Ben is currently on a plane heading home to us, and tomorrow ends my nearly month-long epic of being a solo parent. I could probably recap how the three weeks alone with Kate went by an itemized list of her injuries. From day one when she knocked her head on a coffee table (hello goose egg), to day five when she fell face-first into my dresser drawers (hello SECOND goose egg) to days 10 and 12 when she left claw marks on her own face in an effort to keep me from picking her nose, we obviously were hanging on to our shit by a THREAD. By the end of the trip, instead of the nice hour-long nighttime ritual we normally do (bath, books, milk, rocking and talking, tuck-in) I was giving Kate a high-five and an air-kiss and that was all I could muster before turning off her light. I only stayed up past 9:30 three nights and I regretted it each time. If my WONDERFUL neighbors hadn't had us over for dinner half of the nights Ben was gone, we would have eaten frozen dinners or pizza at least 15 of the 18 nights. I did laundry because I was out of underwear, but I never got around to folding it so I have been sleeping under a pile of clean clothes on my bed. Currently, my idea of a perfect day is watching movies the entire day without ANY RESPONSIBILITY. And sleeping. Lots.

However, while I may not have done it gracefully, I am proud of how Kate and I made it through three weeks without an integral member of our team. Sure, we had our ups, our downs and plenty of bruises, but it was an experience that I'll always remember.... and hope to never have to repeat!


Jennifer Moore said...

I'm not sure I could have survived without James for three whole weeks. I gotta give you major props for being a solo parent for 3 weeks.

Annie said...

I giggled quite often while reading this. Glad you guys made it through the three weeks and that you didn't have to practice your ninja/taser skills.

Michelle said...

You forgot to mention that you have pepper spray to spray prior to the taser activity! You're armed and dangerous girl!

Michelle said...

BTW, we are so proud of you keeping it together for three weeks! Hopefully you won't have to go it alone that long again!

lucythevaliant said...

three weeks! Oh my lord, I would have died! You are a stronger woman than I.