Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Speak easy

You want to know what is SUPER about having an extremely verbal toddler (and when I say super, I say it with a strong dose of sarcasm). It is just SUPER that they can now verbalize their thoughts and opinions, sometimes to your great shame and embarrassment.

Exhibit A: Two weeks ago at school

Kate: What's that?
Teacher: Information about an exercise class I'm going to take.
Kate: My mommy used to exercise. But she doesn't any more. She is just TOO TIRED.

Well. Yes. I AM often too tired because I haven't had a full night's sleep in six months, but sweetie, THIS IS SOMETHING WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT IN PUBLIC UNLESS YOU WANT MOMMY TO TELL YOUR 'POOP IN TARGET' STORY ON YOUR WEDDING DAY.

Threaten my child with future humiliation? That doesn't sound like me. At. All. (wink)

So this little gem shamed me enough to join the local gym near our new house and buy new running shoes. But her assault on my self esteem was not yet complete, because last week when I picked her up her teachers had a new and DOUBLE SUPER story to share.

Exhibit B: Last week at school

Classmate 1: My mommy runs errands and exercises.
Classmate 2: My mommy changes diapers.
Kate: My mommy does nothing.

Wait, wait, did you catch that? Let me recap. When discussing me with her classmates at school, Kate declared that I DO NOTHING. Like, all day long I just sit on the couch eating bon-bons and ignoring my two young children. But, then, its probably just because I'm SO TIRED.

Luckily, I have a well developed sense of passive-aggressiveness that has allowed me to cope. The next day, when Kate wanted to play with me I told her she had to play by herself because I was busy. She asked me what I was doing and I got a ridiculous amount satisfaction when I answered,


Yes, I AM silly and childish, thank you for asking. I also gave myself a mental high-five when I said it, so, there you go.

But seriously. You don't have to worry about me. I'm currently planning my payback strategy. It won't go into effect until she is about 16, but trust me.

Kate is going to learn, it doesn't pay to tell tales on Momma.