Hold on to your hats ladies and gentleman, we are about to get really close. Today's post is all about getting to know me. Not like this getting to know Liz post from 2008. No, we've moved past these social niceties. This is it baby. This is the weird, wacky and wild side. And quit rolling your eyes and saying, "Duuuuuude, I don't want to know you I just want to read about you farting and failing as a mother and such." Well, if I'm going to share those moments with you, I want to show you ALL my bumps, bruises, warts and oddities that make me, well, me. It might explain a few things...
- I have a fear of running over bags left on the side of the road because I'm afraid there will be body parts in them. Yep, you read it right. I don't know whether to attribute it to too much CSI and Law & Order, or just being a weird sicko, but whenever I see a black garbage bag on the side of the road, I make sure to give it wide berth. I do NOT want to be the one to find a missing person by driving over parts of them.
- I love to read trashy romance novels, but I typically skip the sex scenes. I'm not sure why that is, but when the story moves its way to the bedroom (or the car, or the office desk, or whatever location is deemed sexy enough) I start flipping pages to the part where they are lying together post-coitus having some earth shattering emotional conversation. Its not like I'm a prude or something, its just like, jeez, thats kind of personal, you know? And, I mean, yeah they are fictional characters and all, but, lets give them a little privacy here.
- I hate to cry in front of people, but I love to cry. Seriously, if no one is around I will tear up at a Cialis commercial. When Ben travels and I have the house to myself, my favorite thing to do is drink a bottle of wine and watch an emotional movie. Like School of Rock. And yes, if you are in the mood to cry, you can even cry to a movie that features Jack Black. Or I will listen to music and write a post about FEELINGS. And then never publish it. It is cathartic. And a little crazy. That is why I do it when I'm alone.
- I have the appetite and likes of a twelve year old boy. If I could design an all-you-can-eat buffet, the items on it would include pizza, turkey sandwiches with avocado, potato chips, ranch dressing, chicken wings, nachos, lasagna or any (every) pasta dish, my husband's gumbo, garlic bread, an assortment of cheeses and those cookies that you get at the grocery store -- you know, the kind worth eating out of the trash?
- I'm an only child, but am often told I am not a "typical" only child at all. I find immense pleasure in this. Like, I have risen above my bratty upbringing. And then I have a diva moment at home alone with my husband and I know that it is all a well put on act. I am an only child. Through and through. It is SCARY how only I can be.
- I used to love all children until I had my own. Now, I'm extremely selective about which kids I'm into. I mean, there are a few kids that I still think are tops, but they are in the minority. Mostly I look at other kids now and just see germ factories, brats and mis-behaved riff-raff. All of which probably also describe my Kate on any given day, but seriously, sun shines out her ass so who cares? (Note -- obviously, if you are reading this I am NOT talking about your children. I'm sure sun shines out their behinds as well, so no offense. This is more focused to the kids at the playground that you just KNOW aren't going to let your kid play tag with the gang b/c she is too young, and it hurts your feelings more than your toddler's feelings and you want to yell YOU GUYS SUCK, but then, that is kind of abusive to shout at a six year old so you hold your tongue OH MY GOD I'M SO ANGRY AT THOSE LITTLE A-HOLES!!!!)
- Ahem. Collecting myself and on to number 8.
- I'm running out of interesting stuff to talk about. Maybe I'm not as weird as I thought.
- I take baths with the shower running (and... we are back). It makes the hot water last longer, it makes the bathroom steamier and it makes a really soothing white noise. I also like to have the shower (or any water) running when I'm going to the bathroom. There is something about utter silence that bothers me, so whether I'm home alone or have guests, that water gets turned on before I hit the porcelain throne.
- I turn 30 in exactly nine days. I don't know whether to feel excited or depressed that life is going by so quickly. I hear 30 is the new 20, but I was a mess in my 20s so I certainly don't want to relive all THOSE years again. I think 30 is going to be great. A whole new chapter where I'm a perfect parent and perfect wife, and I figure out what I want to be when I grow up and I feel like I finally, FINALLY know what the hell I'm doing in life. That is what happens when you are 30. Right? RIGHT?
So there you go. (Almost) ten things you probably didn't know about me. And, I'm extremely interested in you too. Tell me, what is something weird or unique about you? You know we all have something...