An open letter

Dear Sir,

I do not know you. I do not know your background. I don't know the color of your skin, or your eyes, or your hair. I don't know if you are left-handed or right. I don't know if you are married, divorced or maybe just in one of those "its complicated" situations (eye roll).

What I do know is that you are a complete ass bag.

Because my daughter got this close... THIS CLOSE... to grabbing your used condom from where you left it... you know, right there on the PLAYGROUND. Where children PLAY.

I swear to everything holy, you are one lucky guy. Because if she had touched it, if she had been so unlucky as to come into contact with your filth, I would have spent as much money, time and resources as it took to TRACK YOU DOWN like a dog. And while I'd like to wring your neck, I would probably just sue you. And recommend to the judge that you be castrated. And then kicked in the groin every time you even THOUGHT about a playground.

Now THAT would be justice.

Sincerely,
A Really, Really Angry Mother

PS -- If I ever actually catch you doing the nasty on a playground, I WILL run you over with my car. Okay, I won't, because I'm not some crazed lunatic, but I will call the cops and maybe tase you for the fun of it.