Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Family planning, the Edelbrock way

As a child of the 80s, I didn't grow up with technology being an integral part of life -- I mean, I actually DID learn the Dewey Decimal system (at least I learned what it was) and did research in the library with an actual CARD CATALOG, you know, with actual cards. Like... get this... noooooooooo computers. Well, I mean, we used them for Oregon Trail naturally, but that was about it.

But now, I use technology every day, and sometimes it amazes me at the sheer panic I would feel without it. Seriously, as a new mom, I researched damn near everything, from "What is that weird smell" to "If the baby won't stop crying, when should I call the doctor?" and my favorite "What does sort of white-like poop mean?" How comforting to know that a click away there are a million and one resources for moments of stupidity, laziness and tackling the unknown.

So obviously, when I found myself looking at infant clothing last time I went to the mall, instead of talking to my husband about our family planning, I asked the Internet. Did you know (DID YOU!?!?!) that if you want life advice, Google will spit out the answer like a very detailed Magic 8 Ball? And if you don't like the answer you first clicked on, you can just shake that bad boy again and soon enough an answer you like will pop out -- source very likely not credible, but still. Tada!

So obviously, when I Googled "When to have a second child" I was all set to be given the Magic 8 Ball treatment, you know, clear answers like, "Now, In Two Years, Future Unclear, Try Again Later." Instead I was forced to sog through a million forums where people blabbed on about their decisions, why their timing worked for them, how lucky they are about their family, blah, blah, blah. I mean, nice anecdotes, but I needed ANSWERS not FEELINGS. Not a single medical professional weighed in on the discussion, other than to suggest that to have a second baby nearly on top of the first might be a bad idea because, um, you know, you might lose your F-ing mind. (This is a paraphrase. I must say that a medical professional did NOT say F-ing in their article. Although I'd be more likely to take their advice if they did. In actuality, I think the reason is your body needs time to heal or something but we all know its because if I had two children a year apart I would go for a long drive while Ben watched the kids and would never, EVER come back).


Anyways, a long story to tell you that for the first time in my life, the Internet failed me. It took my breath away. Instead of giving me a concrete answer, the Internet is FORCING ME to have an actual grown up discussion with my husband. Which will likely (if I know my husband at all) lead to an excel document, some spreadsheets about budgets and other mumbo jumbo, followed by a nervous breakdown and potentially a vasectomy. 


F-You Internet. F-You.

7 comments:

Aunt Chrissy said...

Tell Ben you want the traditional Catholic family and watch his head spin

Jennifer Moore said...

Reading your blog always makes me laugh. If I could only be half as funny as you.

Unfortunately, I don't think I can be concrete for you, but here's my plan. Jessica turns 1 in Oct. Starting in Dec. we'll start trying for #2. The only reason I don't want to start in Oct. or Nov. is because I don't want the next baby to have a summer birthday, so Dec. should theoretically give a Sept. baby etc.

BeagleBaby said...

White Poop? Ok I now have to google this before I can go to bed! I think a second would be great - just saying! J wants me to like the after this little one is born! YIKES!

Brittney said...

Oh dear, I feel like your husband LOL. Anytime we think through anything, I have a need to make color-coded spreadsheets and damn near give a slideshow presentation in the living room. (I'm.. a geek lol)

IzzyLizzy said...

Jennifer, good plan!

And, Brittney, Ben surprised me by NOT wanting to do spreadsheets, rather he jumped immediately to, "So what you are saying is that next month we can have lots of sex, and then have a July baby?" and I'm all -- DON'T TOUCH ME.

Nikki - Lilybug_Designs said...

Ha! Too bad you can't foresee the future and know what the magic number should be between your kids.

lucythevaliant said...

All I can say is, Oregon Trail was the best thing EVER! And also, yes, having two babies right on top of each other WILL make you loose your mind. Trust me. My mind is completely gone.