...and I shall call you Creepy

I've heard a lot of horror stories from Moms about how when they were pregnant, their bodies became a free-for-all for friends, family and strangers to rub, similar to a giant Buddha statue. I haven't really had that issue. Or, maybe I just don't have any personal space issues, because it hasn't bothered me when friends or family touch my ever-expanding "waist"and to date, all strangers have avoided putting their sticky paws anywhere near me.

However, there are other ways for strangers to make you feel a little creeped out, as I learned yesterday.

I was in the elevator, getting ready to ride up to my office on the 7th floor when a delivery man with his arms full of packages darted in just before the doors closed. As he did have a full load, I asked him what floor he was going to. He looked at me, a little appalled and shook his head and said "Oh, no. Nope, thanks."

I was confused so I stood back for a second and he just continued to look at me. So I said again, "Um, what floor are you going to," and then I tacked on "so I can push the button for you, what floor?" just in case he didn't get it again. He told me and I pushed his floor and we were off.

So as we are riding up, he is looking at the floor numbers and asks what I thought was "So what do you do?" as in, "You are riding up to the seventh floor, whats up there?" but I still thought it was an odd question, so I asked "What do I do?" and he starts cracking up and then looks me up and down and says...

"Naw, girl, I know WHAT YOU DID, I'm asking when are you due?"

Then he chuckles, shakes his head and repeats, "Yep, I know just WHAT YOU DID"

At that point I am fully creeped out because I realize that he is, right at this moment, thinking about WHAT I DID to get pregnant. Which is none of his damn business, thank you very much... get that filthy image out of your head random delivery guy!!

I feel a little violated and just stare at the elevator door. We get to his floor and he steps out and looks back, still chuckling and lets me know I've made his day. I'm busy thanking God he has too many packages in his hands to reach and and rub my belly, because he definitely seemed the type.

And so today I dub him the #1 creepy thing to happen to me in SEVEN months of pregnancy. Sure, there is still time for some other stranger to surpass him, but I'm not holding my breath. Because the way he looked me up and down like he was wearing X-ray goggles and thinking about my baby's conception was just about my limit for creepy. If someone tops that in the next two months, I can't be held responsible for stunning, macing or maiming said stranger... and I'll blame it on the hormones.