Monday, January 4, 2010

No Fear. No Kidding.

I'm fairly certain that my blood pressure has gone up in direct correlation with Kate's mobility. After having an infant and watching her grow into a mobile mini-toddler, I'm honestly shocked that we've survived as a species at all. If Kate were growing up in the stone age, it is highly likely that she would have already been stampeded by a rhino or eaten by a saber tooth tiger. Or just crawled off a cliff.

Because this chick HAS NO FEAR.

I mean, sure, I'm happy she feels all safe and content and has never had to know caution, but I'm a big believe in a healthy level of fear keeping us safe from doing stupid stuff, like laying in the middle of a highway, bungee jumping or cutting our own hair.

But take an infant and give her a room to sit in and she will discover something, ANYTHING that can potentially cause her harm, and she will be instantly attracted to it. Like a moth to a flame, electrical outlets, cords, the fireplace, the toilet, dog bowls, the bottom of my shoe (TOXIC!!), these things have a siren song that just can NOT be ignored by anyone under the age of 2. Or at least by my daughter. Maybe your kid is under two and content to just hang out with his or her toys and chill. You know what I say to that? SUCK IT.

The point is, you can baby-proof all you want, but unless your house is made up of ONE room that is empty save for padded walls and a soft floor, you are F-ed. Seriously. We have one room in the house that I can look around and feel fairly safe letting Kate roam, but the other day I looked down to write an email while Kate played on the rug, and next thing I know Kate has a random leaf in her mouth and she is choking and spitting up all over the place. Where she found the leaf, since I have to vacuum every damn day is beyond me, but likely she had been saving it in her diaper for just the right moment when I wasn't looking and she could savor all its earthy flavor.

I hope it tasted like crap.

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