Kate's big news

Santa, a donkey and three wise men walk into a bar...

I wasn't sure if Kate would get it this year. You know, the whole Christmas thing. Not quite two, I wasn't sure if this was the year that it would mean something to her. I made sure to buy her some books about the holidays, a few about Santa and then a few about the manager, all sprinkled in together. Which I'm sure confused the hell out of her, and I'm fairly certain that she thinks Santa was born in a manager and the wise men gave him the ability to fly so he could deliver toys to all the good little boys and girls. Oh, and eternal salvation, Santa gives that too.

So, yes, it is kind of convoluted. I never realized how hard it is to reconcile the religious holiday of Christmas with the secular celebration until I tried to explain it to a toddler.

I know at least the Santa message has sunk in. One, because all Dora and Diego can talk about is this Santa character, and two, because without any prompting from me, whenever she sees Santa (dolls, hats, people, etc.) she says "Santa! Ho, Ho, Ho." Which is cute. But then, starting this week, a new word got thrown in the mix. "Santa! Ho, Ho, Ho…. TOYS." Yep, sounds like my little girl has got Christmas ALL FIGURED OUT.

Last time she mentioned Santa, I talked to her about Jesus, to try and maybe straighten out her understanding a little. I told her that Santa came to help us celebrate the birth of Jesus. She solemnly agreed with me. “Yes,” she said. “Jesus…” I mentally high-fived myself for helping her connect the two Christmas characters in a way that she would understand. Watch out mother of the year, here I come. “Jesus…” she repeated. “TOYS.” (Head slap).

Soooooo, where is the parenting manual on Christmas? I obviously need a little help here.

You mean I'm not getting toys from both you AND Jesus??? I don't understand this holiday, Santa...

Happy Christmas, From India

I've been a bad blogger. Seriously, three weeks with no new post? Where are those great holiday anecdotes? Those photos of me burning cookies or mucking up some home project with Kate? WHAT HAPPENED TO CHRISTMAS AT THE EDELBROCK HOUSE?

Well, India happened. Specifically, my husband WENT to India for THREE WHOLE DAMN WEEKS. And I could have posted while he was gone, but every story I started almost immediately veered downhill fast into a rant, and who wants to read me bitch for a good 2,000 words every day?

Also, I was a little afraid of announcing that I was going to be home alone for three weeks, just in case it made me a target for all those tech-saavy criminals that read common housewife blogs. Despite the fact that I am very clearly ready for any and all home invasions (I have an alarm system connected to every door and window in our house, two big (60 lbs. +) dogs that are EXTREMELY misbehaved and a taser that my father-in-law bought me that I'm almost 100 percent sure is not totally legal. I also am armed with the knowledge that a good shot to the nuts can bring a man down to his knees, so imagine my self-defense strategy of taser to nuts and DO NOT MESS WITH ME. Oh, and if you are a lady bad-guy, I just plan on hitting you over the head with my extremely heavy lamp and then tasing you until you wet your pants. Soooo, think on that for just a wee minute) I decided not to share with the world that Ben was out of the country.

But Ben is currently on a plane heading home to us, and tomorrow ends my nearly month-long epic of being a solo parent. I could probably recap how the three weeks alone with Kate went by an itemized list of her injuries. From day one when she knocked her head on a coffee table (hello goose egg), to day five when she fell face-first into my dresser drawers (hello SECOND goose egg) to days 10 and 12 when she left claw marks on her own face in an effort to keep me from picking her nose, we obviously were hanging on to our shit by a THREAD. By the end of the trip, instead of the nice hour-long nighttime ritual we normally do (bath, books, milk, rocking and talking, tuck-in) I was giving Kate a high-five and an air-kiss and that was all I could muster before turning off her light. I only stayed up past 9:30 three nights and I regretted it each time. If my WONDERFUL neighbors hadn't had us over for dinner half of the nights Ben was gone, we would have eaten frozen dinners or pizza at least 15 of the 18 nights. I did laundry because I was out of underwear, but I never got around to folding it so I have been sleeping under a pile of clean clothes on my bed. Currently, my idea of a perfect day is watching movies the entire day without ANY RESPONSIBILITY. And sleeping. Lots.

However, while I may not have done it gracefully, I am proud of how Kate and I made it through three weeks without an integral member of our team. Sure, we had our ups, our downs and plenty of bruises, but it was an experience that I'll always remember.... and hope to never have to repeat!

This mommy's gift list: Edition 3

I ran across this book the other day, and am determined to own it. However, since I only pay money for trashy novels at the local grocery store, I might have to depend on a charitable gift giver to actually go to a REAL BOOKSTORE and BUY IT FOR ME (again, Ben, honey, are you picking up my oh-so-subtle hints here?)

The book is "Soul Pancake," written by Rainn Wilson (The Office) and a collection of his friends who wanted to create something that was a mixture of art, religion, philosophy, creativity, and anything else you care to throw in. It is a little eye candy, a little conversation piece, a little thought starter and a little different, and that is why I'm so intrigued. Reviews on Amazon talk about how engaging the book is, and it seems like something Ben and I could read to generate thoughtful, meaningful conversations. Which lets be honest, can be few and far between in the race of life with a toddler.

You can purchase "Soul Pancake" on Amazon for just $13.18, and it would make a great stocking stuffer or Secret Santa gift. At least I think so. Don't blame me if you hate it or it is just plain weird.

Nice to (virtually) meet you

Today's quick post is a little, "Nice to meet you" to anyone who is coming over from Lamidge.com. I'm featured this month on the blog's December Push and am hoping to make some nice (or not nice, whatever) new friends along the way. For my old bloggy friends (yes YOU the one who has been reading since I got all knocked up and stuff), take a second to pop over and check out Lamidge.com -- the author, Brittney, posts great recipes, how-tos, pictures of puppies (seriously, who doesn't love puppies?) and I'm pretty sure she doesn't have as bad of a potty mouth as I do. So it might be a refreshing change.

In the spirit of getting to know one another better, I'm posting links to a few of my high (or low) lights from the edelspot. Such gems like,

You can't get off the crazy train
My baby the drunk ox
Good parenting 101
When Kate met formula
Kate's most important milestone
The spoken word
Ten things you don't care to know about me

Enjoy, and nice to (virtually) meet you all!

The parenting learning curve

Last year, my first year being a mother, I was THAT mother. You know, the one who really never had a clue. The one who forgot picture day. The one who forgot to pay for school nearly every month. The one who paid the housekeeper in pennies because I forgot to have cash on hand and OH MY GOD GOING TO THE  BANK FELT LIKE TOOO MUCH WOOOOORK. The one who lived in pajamas and hated mothers that took showers and wore make up (seriously, who do you think you are?!).

You know, I was the one you wanted to pat and tell that things would get better, but you also didn't want to seem condescending, so you just walked past in the grocery store aisle while I begged Kate to quit crying and broke down in my own tears.

Ahhh, memories.

And that, my friends, is why I take so much pleasure in the fact that I can measure how much I've grown as a parent by the things I haven't forgotten in the past few months. In fact, twice in the last month I've wanted to high-five myself for remembering things that, on the surface, aren't that big of a deal. But to me, they just prove that I have finally started to pull my shit together.

Because this year, I was NOT the mommy who had to explain to their kiddo that they had forgotten it was Pajama Day. Because I remembered, and I had Kate in her pajamas, and while I think she is too young to realize that everyone was in their jammies, I KNEW. And I felt like a BAD ASS.

And today, when I took Kate to school, I was NOT the mommy who packed a lunch that she didn't need, because it was their special Thanksgiving Day lunch. No, I was the mommy who not only KNEW it was Thanksgiving Day at school, but I brought the MOTHER F*CKING NUGGETS for said feast (I just gave myself a fist pump.)

Honestly, I know I've talked a lot on this blog about feeling like a failure. It is a running theme in my life as a mother. Because I think that when you care so much about something, when there is a person in your life that means the sun, moon and stars, it is easy to feel that way. Because you can NEVER give, be, or do enough.  Except on those days that you come through. Those days that they look at you like you are a super hero. Or sometimes it is just the days that you can look at YOURSELF like you are a super hero. And those days? Those are the days you can feel good, the days that make it all worth while. Even if its just because you brought the MOTHER F*CKING NUGGETS to school.

This mommy's gift list: Edition 2

Soooo, yeah. I know I said this gift list would be comprised of "affordable" gifts, but maybe I should add "aspirational" gifts as well, because I found the coolest vase/art piece and I just MUST share. It is just a little pricier than, say, a family on one income (cough) might spend for a vase, however, if you look at it as an ART piece, consider it an INVESTMENT (and art, is like, SO much safer to invest in than, say, your Roth this year. ART is forever. Hello? Are you listening Ben? Honey, I'm talking to YOU).

This Candle Wax Vase ($350) is a hand-blown glass vase from Design Within Reach, created by artist Andi Kovel and her partner Justin Parker, one of the top glassblowers in the country. With this glass vase, they have basically created the most beautiful canvas for you -- you simply burn different colors of candles in the vase, allowing the wax to drip and collect, filling the vase like those sand jars you probably made as a kid.

What I like best about this piece is the idea of making it into a beautiful record of time. If I owned this vase, I would tie different colors to a specific experience or memory. For example, I might burn orange candles for every one of Kate's birthdays. And red candles for all our anniversaries. And white candles for romantic evenings together, and purple candles for evenings spent entertaining. And once the jar is totally filled, you can look at it and see those special experiences that you had during the time it took to fill the vase and feel like you have a one-of-a-kind piece of art that reflects the life of your family.

So I'd probably fill it and keep it, as a record of our lives. However, the really cool part is that if you fill it and want to start again, you can actually SEND BACK the filled vase to the artists and they will provide you with a new one to begin again. I LOVE it!