The baby comes out WHERE?!?!

Okay, so I wasn't that clueless, but our very first childbirth class at the hospital on Sunday really did open my eyes to my complete ignorance about child birth. This mainly comes from the fact that I closed my eyes during the educational film in my human sciences class in college, and to date have skipped over ALL chapters about the birth in the many books I've read about the pregnancy. I was taking the whole "What I don't know can't hurt me" approach, but after this Sunday, let me promise you that what I didn't know (or didn't want to know) about having a baby is going to hurt the same, whether I know about it or not.

During the six (SIX) hour class, we were barraged by information, pictures, videos and diagrams that could make the toughest man cry if he were forced to view them long enough. You could see it around the room. All the women looked more than a little shell-shocked after a particularly visual birthing video and all the men had haunted looks in their eyes that very clearly said "Thank GOD this is going to happen to her and not me. "

I'm not going to go into detail, but lets just say I went home hoping that between now and March 22, scientists would come up with some miraculous discovery where babies could be born through some sort of high-tech gizmo, a sort of a "beam her out, Scotty!" technology where Baby E suddenly appears in my arms. Cute, cuddly, clean and pain free.

So, if there are any scientists out there currently developing this technology, please write to me. I believe in you. You can do it. Just do it quickly. Seriously... like by March 22.